Romance Scams Targeting Elderly Australians: When the “Soulmate” Isn't Real
In 2024, Australians lost over $200 million to romance scams — the highest of any scam category by total dollars. The biggest victims, by far, are elderly widows and widowers. Most lose between $50,000 and $500,000 over six to twelve months. Some lose their entire retirement savings, their homes, even take out loans against their grandchildren's futures.
The scam works because it isn't a quick swindle. It's a long con — six months of daily messages, video calls (often with deepfake or stolen video), declarations of love, and emotional intimacy. By the time money is requested, your parent genuinely believes they've fallen in love. This guide covers how the scam works, the warning signs to watch for, the awful conversation you may have to have, and how to support a parent who has been emotionally and financially devastated.
Romance Scams in Australia 2024
Lost in 2024 (Scamwatch)
Highest dollar-loss scam category
Typical grooming period
Most targeted group
How the Scam Plays Out
Stage 1: Contact (Week 1)
Friend request on Facebook, message on dating site, comment on a post. Profile shows attractive 50–65-year-old widow/widower, often claiming to be a doctor, military officer, engineer working overseas, or businessperson. Photos are stolen from real people's accounts.
Stage 2: Building Connection (Weeks 2–8)
Messages multiple times daily. Phone calls. Sometimes video calls (using deepfake or pre-recorded videos). Shared interests, life stories that closely mirror your parent's. Compliments, emotional support, “you're different from anyone I've ever met.”
Stage 3: Plans & Promises (Month 2–3)
Discussion of meeting in person, future plans, even moving in together. They're “working overseas” or “deployed” or in a remote location which conveniently prevents in-person meetings.
Stage 4: First Crisis (Month 3–4)
Small request — iTunes card to fix phone, $200 for emergency. Emotional pressure. Test the waters. Often returned at first to build trust.
Stage 5: Big Ask (Month 4–6+)
Major medical emergency. Customs delaying shipment of gold. Investment opportunity (“crypto”, “forex”, “mining stock”). Promised return of multiple times the investment. Money flows through fake trading platform that shows growing “balance.”
Stage 6: The Trap (Month 6+)
Parent tries to withdraw “earnings”. Sudden “tax,” “customs fee,” “government audit.” More money required. Account locked until paid. Total losses spiral. Pig butchering pattern.
Stage 7: Discovery
Family notices unusual financial activity, or parent runs out of money. Devastation. Many parents continue to defend the scammer even after irrefutable proof.
Warning Signs Family Members Should Watch For
Behavioural Signs
- • New “online friend” or “partner” mentioned
- • Someone they've never met in person
- • Spending hours each day on phone or computer
- • Withdrawn from family
- • Defensive when asked about new friend
- • Secrecy about messages or finances
- • Talk of “investment opportunity”
- • Plans to meet but always cancelled
Financial Red Flags
- • Large bank withdrawals
- • Wire transfers overseas
- • Cryptocurrency purchases
- • Gift card purchases (Apple, Steam, Google Play)
- • Selling assets unexpectedly
- • Asking to borrow from family
- • New loan applications
- • Re-mortgaging the house
The Conversation You May Have to Have
Approach With Empathy, Not Confrontation
If you confront and accuse, your parent will defend the scammer harder. They've invested emotionally for months. Instead, ask gentle questions: “Tell me about [name]. Have you spoken to them on video? Have they ever sent you a photo holding a sign with today's date on it? Have you met any of their family?”
Run the “Real Person Tests”
Ask the parent to request: (1) A live photo holding a piece of paper with today's date. Real person can do it in 30 seconds; scammer can't. (2) Reverse Google Image search of profile photos — usually shows the photos belong to someone else. (3) Live phone call from a verified Australian number. Scammers won't allow this for long.
Beware of the Recovery Scam
Once a scam is uncovered, victims are often contacted by “recovery agents” or “crypto recovery experts” promising to retrieve lost funds for an upfront fee. These are the same scammers under a new guise. Australia's legitimate scam recovery service is via your bank's anti-scam unit and IDCARE — never pay an upfront fee.
Supporting a Parent Post-Discovery
Romance scam victims face complex grief: financial loss + the loss of a relationship they believed in. Suicide rates rise. Depression is severe. Don't shame — supportive recovery requires:
- • Acknowledging the relationship was real to them, even if the person wasn't
- • GP and mental health support — sometimes psychiatrist needed
- • Beyond Blue, Lifeline for crisis
- • Financial counselling (free via National Debt Helpline 1800 007 007)
- • Daily check-in calls to monitor for suicidal language
- • IDCARE for identity protection if details shared
- • Power of attorney consideration if judgment compromised
Australian Resources
| Resource | Contact |
|---|---|
| Scamwatch | 1300 795 995 |
| IDCARE | 1800 595 160 |
| National Debt Helpline | 1800 007 007 |
| Beyond Blue | 1300 22 4636 |
| Lifeline | 13 11 14 |
| Elder Abuse Helpline | 1800 353 374 |
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